Okay, so gister was fine en vanoggend was fine, en toe gebeur daar iets wat my laat dink het ek het 'n fout gemaak, maar toe draai dit uit ek het nie - en toe skop die paranoia weer in.
Nou is ek vasbeslote niemand by die werk hou eintlik van my nie en dat hulle agter my rug praat en dat die base planne maak om ontslae te raak van my.. Maar tog maak dit ook nie sin vir my nie, ek wil dit nie glo nie want almal is soooo super awesome. Ek weet die paranoia gaan weer oorwaai, maar damnit man... dit suck..
Showing posts with label paranoia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paranoia. Show all posts
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Voel normaal vandag...
Daar is party dae wat ek so normaal voel , niks worries, niks paranoia ens.
Ek wens dit kan altyd so wees... ek probeer uitfigure wat die verskil is tussen dae wat ek fantasties voel en dae waar die paranoia vreeslik erg is. As ek 'n "trigger" kan identifiseer sal dit awesome wees, dan kan ek actually self iets daaromtrent doen?
Ek weet daar is mense wat my nie glo oor my mental situasie nie, maar op dae soos vandag gee ek net nie 'n hel om nie, EK weet wie en wat ek is en fuck the rest. Nou wens ek ek kan altyd so wees.
'n Goeie quote wat ek gelees het kom by my op : "Worry less about your reputation and more about your character, because your reputation is who other people think you are and your character is who you really are" Ek is nou net nie seker wie dit gesê het nie. Ek dink op my "af" dae moet ek dit net oor en oor vir myself sê.
Ek wens dit kan altyd so wees... ek probeer uitfigure wat die verskil is tussen dae wat ek fantasties voel en dae waar die paranoia vreeslik erg is. As ek 'n "trigger" kan identifiseer sal dit awesome wees, dan kan ek actually self iets daaromtrent doen?
Ek weet daar is mense wat my nie glo oor my mental situasie nie, maar op dae soos vandag gee ek net nie 'n hel om nie, EK weet wie en wat ek is en fuck the rest. Nou wens ek ek kan altyd so wees.
'n Goeie quote wat ek gelees het kom by my op : "Worry less about your reputation and more about your character, because your reputation is who other people think you are and your character is who you really are" Ek is nou net nie seker wie dit gesê het nie. Ek dink op my "af" dae moet ek dit net oor en oor vir myself sê.
Friday, August 3, 2012
The cell phone
Oh my word, things are getting much worse...
I was planning on a long blog post explaining every single detail of the event and my feelings etc, but, no, I'll keep it concise this time...
The first thing that happened this week was that my boss lost his cell phone and now thinks it's stolen. Now, I can't help but feeling that maybe he didn't actually loose it but that he just pretended to loose it in order to set me up so that they can fire me. I don't know. I find it just a tad suspicious the way things happened. My husband says that I shouldn't worry, because I know that I didn't take the phone. But what he doesn't understand is that if I'm set up and consequently fired, that will become part of my reputation and people will trust me even less. It sucks so much, I wish I could just lead a normal life...
Anyway, this happening got me thinking that maybe I should just start looking for another job. I am REALLY very happy to work there, I love everything about the company, but my paranoia is just getting the best of me and it's making me miserable as a result.
I am more suited to jobs in HUGE companies, like say 200+ employees, were I can just be a number. Just go to work, do my job, leave and get paid at month end. No fuss and office politics.
I want to be able to focus on my life and my friends again, instead of constantly obsessing and brooding over the fact that my colleagues don't like me and my bosses are plotting to get me fired.
Also, I need to make more money so that I can start seeing a professional regarding my condition.
I've joined this forum at Psychcentral which is pretty awesome, because I get to share my experiences with people with similar fears and anxieties as I have and I also get to read how it is for other people etc.
So, I've you happen to read this blog, and you have some sort of mental issues, do yourself a favor and join those forums.
I was planning on a long blog post explaining every single detail of the event and my feelings etc, but, no, I'll keep it concise this time...
The first thing that happened this week was that my boss lost his cell phone and now thinks it's stolen. Now, I can't help but feeling that maybe he didn't actually loose it but that he just pretended to loose it in order to set me up so that they can fire me. I don't know. I find it just a tad suspicious the way things happened. My husband says that I shouldn't worry, because I know that I didn't take the phone. But what he doesn't understand is that if I'm set up and consequently fired, that will become part of my reputation and people will trust me even less. It sucks so much, I wish I could just lead a normal life...
Anyway, this happening got me thinking that maybe I should just start looking for another job. I am REALLY very happy to work there, I love everything about the company, but my paranoia is just getting the best of me and it's making me miserable as a result.
I am more suited to jobs in HUGE companies, like say 200+ employees, were I can just be a number. Just go to work, do my job, leave and get paid at month end. No fuss and office politics.
I want to be able to focus on my life and my friends again, instead of constantly obsessing and brooding over the fact that my colleagues don't like me and my bosses are plotting to get me fired.
Also, I need to make more money so that I can start seeing a professional regarding my condition.
I've joined this forum at Psychcentral which is pretty awesome, because I get to share my experiences with people with similar fears and anxieties as I have and I also get to read how it is for other people etc.
So, I've you happen to read this blog, and you have some sort of mental issues, do yourself a favor and join those forums.
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